


Blame

by sartiebodyshots



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Mass Effect 3, Priority: Thessia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-12 04:35:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5652682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sartiebodyshots/pseuds/sartiebodyshots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Garrus helps Shepard with her guilt after Priority: Thessia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blame

Shepard is silent on the shuttle home from Thessia.  Garrus watches her anxiously; he knows that she won’t take the loss of the Prothean beacon lightly.  More than that, she’ll blame herself.

There are no smart remarks to be made when they put their gear back in the armory.  No gentle nudges or admiring comments on a particularly good kill.  Usually Garrus is sure to make a comment about how hot under the armor Shepard’s biotic charge makes him once the other squad member has left. 

Today, she bolts before either he or Liara are anywhere near done.  Garrus had never seen anyone move with such tired anger before. 

He retreats to the gun battery, the only home he has left, and is surprised when he has two messages.  Even more surprising is the one from his family, informing them that they’re safe and they hope he’s safe too.  It lifts his soul temporarily- a small victory for the war effort and a huge personal victory. 

But duty calls, so he also opens the message from the Primarch.  It comes down to sacrificing some turian lives to save other turian lives, as so many things do these days.  Part of him feels guilty for being relieved that his own family is now safe, especially since Liara just watched her world burn.  Then again, nowhere in the galaxy is actually that safe, not until Shepard finds the Catalyst. 

Speaking of Shepard… he had hoped that after their last mission, she would come to see him.  But he understands needing time alone to deal with something, so he doesn’t go and seek her out. 

If she needs him, she knows where to find him.  In the meantime, he can write back to his family.

Until he hears the scream and the crash from above.  It’s faint, but it sounds like it’s definitely coming from the commander’s quarters.

His reply to his family can wait. 

Garrus tries not to look too worried as he strides to the elevator.  He’s not surprised when he reaches the floor of Shepard’s quarters to find Specialist Traynor outside, shifting anxiously. 

“I heard the noise and I wanted to check on the commander, but EDI won’t let me in!” Specialist Traynor explains. 

“Commander Shepard left very clear instructions.  She is not to be disturbed unless something requires her immediate attention.  I can assure you that she is not in any physical peril,” EDI’s voice chimes in.

There’s another crash and a thud to go along with it. 

“EDI, let me in.  I know you’re capable of overriding Shepard’s commands.  Let me in,” Garrus says in a voice that doesn't betray his fear (hopefully). 

“Wait here,” EDI says and Garrus hears her voice on the other side of the door.  It's too muffled for him to understand what she's saying. 

“Go reassure anyone else who might've heard that that everything's fine,” Garrus instructs Specialist Traynor. 

“Everything really is fine, right?” Specialist Traynor asks.

“Of course,” Garrus says with far more conviction than he feels.  “It's Commander Shepard after all.”

That seems to reassure her.  “Of course.”  And Garrus is proud that Shepard instills such confidence in all her people. 

Once Specialist Traynor has gotten in the elevator, Garrus knocks on the door.  He's too impatient to wait for the end of EDI and Shepard’s negotiations. 

“It's just me, Shepard,” Garrus says.  “Let me in.”

The door opens and Shepard is standing there, looking like she's barely able to keep herself upright.  “Hello, Garrus.”

“Can I come in?” Garrus asks. 

Shepard looks like she wants to argue but can't as she steps aside.   “Sure.”

Garrus steps inside, uncertain as to what he'll find.  Her quarters look like a windstorm hit it.   Or, more likely, a few biotic blasts. 

Her carefully crafted collection of model ships is strewn across the floor.  Most of them just have minor damage, but a few are pummeled into dust. 

The papers she usually keeps on the shelves behind her desk are scattered all around the room with an assortment of cups and furniture.  Only her space hamster, fish, and personal terminal are untouched by the presumably biotic storm. 

“I could hear you down in the gun battery,” Garrus says. 

“I’ll try to be quieter next time,” Shepard mutters. 

“Why don’t you sit down and I’ll start to clean up,” Garrus says.

“I made the mess; I should clean it up,” Shepard says, dropping to her knees and thus deftly avoiding his gaze.

“You need to rest, Shepard,” Garrus says.

“No,” Shepard says as she starts to collect her papers.  “I don’t.”

Garrus gets on the ground with her, cradling a model turian fighter in his hands.  “Everyone needs to rest sometimes.”

“Earth.  Palaven. Tuchanka.  And now Thessia.  And those are only the big home worlds.  There are many more worlds burning.  Did you know the colony where Joker’s dad and sister live got hit?  I can rest when they’re free,” Shepard says with conviction.  “We have to hunt down Cerberus so we can destroy the Reapers.  Then I can rest.”

“You need to take care of yourself,” Garrus says, noticing that she’s still covered in grime from the fight.  “Or else let me take care of you.”

“I let this happen, Garrus,” Shepard says, voice so low that Garrus can barely hear her.  “I knew what was coming and we were still caught unprepared.”

Garrus gets to his feet and reaches down to pull Shepard up with him.  “You need a shower.”

Shepard still won’t look at him, but she lets him remove her clothes.  He’s careful not to slice through anything with his talons and makes note of all the bruises on her body.  Humans are so delicate, and she took a physical beating today, as well as an emotional ones.

Once Shepard is naked, Garrus undoes his own armor and takes off the rest of his clothes.  He even takes off his visor.  Any messages he has can wait. 

Garrus wraps an arm around Shepard and leads her into the bathroom.  He turns the water on, warm like she likes it. 

“None of this is your fault,” Garrus murmurs.  He’s worried about the fact that she hasn’t responded to the water.

Her hair is slippery and smooth under his fingers.  He lathers her hair with soap, taking his time with it.  Usually the feeling of his fingers massaging her scalp makes her shudder and moan, her body pressing against his pleasurably. 

Today, she just stands there.

“You’ve done more than anyone to keep this galaxy safe,” Garrus continues. “Without you, we would’ve been destroyed years ago.”

“It wasn’t enough.  Those asari sacrificed their lives so I could fail.  Liara had to watch her homeworld burn,” Shepard says, voice muffled by the water.  “So’ve you.”

“We went to Thessia as soon as we had the information.  If the asari had come forward sooner, we would’ve gotten the information in time,” Garrus points out.  “But they chose to hide it until it was too late.  You aren’t to blame for what other people do.”

Garrus makes sure that he rinses all the soap out of her hair.  He has learned that that’s very important for human grooming. 

“If I had been more convincing-“

“Shepard!” Garrus interrupts.  He’s not willing to listen to her beat herself up over other people’s shortcomings.  “The Citadel was barely willing to admit there was a war even when planets were being bombed.  It took Cerberus attacking before they really woke up.”

Shepard turns to look at him, and she looks… different.  It takes Garrus a minute to realize that the fire that he’s used to seeing in her eyes has gone.  She almost looks defeated.  That’s the most terrifying thing that Garrus has ever seen.

“I watched what happened to the Protheans,” Shepard says.  “The beacons let me watch.  Hundreds of years of this.  Of losing your civilization, your worlds, everything and everyone you’ve ever cared about.  I’ve seen it all before.  I didn’t want anyone else to see it, too.”

It hits Garrus right then what Shepard went through with the beacons.  He had figured it was more of a data stream of cold information, not something more visceral. 

“We’re going to break the cycle, Shepard,” Garrus says.  “The Reapers won’t have us.  We won’t lose our civilization.”

“How can you be so sure?” Shepard asks.  “You sound very sure.”

“Because the Reapers have never had to fight you.  If you told me three years ago that some human would save the Citadel from a rogue turian Spectre, bring back the rachni as our allies, cure the genophage, get the krogan to help out the turians, and unite the geth and quarians, I would’ve said you were crazy.  I might not even believe it if I wasn’t there beside you,” Garrus says, stroking her cheek with the back of his talon.  “If you can do all that, I don’t think Cerberus or the Reapers are going to pose much of a challenge.  You do impossible things like other people go shopping.”

There’s a little spark back in her eyes.  Not much, not the same fire she usually has, but something. 

“Really?” Shepard says.

“I’d almost feel sorry for them, if they weren’t evil,” Garrus assures her. 

“I had so much help for all of that.  Especially from you,” Shepard says. 

She reaches up to stroke his scarred cheek gently.  Spirits know why she finds the mess that is the right side of his face so attractive, but he’s glad she does. 

“True,” Garrus says, daring for a little dry humor and that bravado she seems to love so much.  “It’s really Archangel that’s scaring the Reapers so badly.”

Shepard snorts.  “Talk to me when you’ve taken down three of those bastards.” 

It’s not said with her usual bite or humor, but at least it’s a retort. 

“Will do, Commander,” Garrus says, inclining his head. 

Shepard lets him finish washing her, gentle talons running over her now familiar human body.  Human bodies are squishy where bodies have no business being squishy, but Garrus has come to appreciate their durability and softness. 

When he’s done, he turns the water off, wrapping a towel around Shepard to ensure she stays warm. 

Her shoulders droop as they reenter the main part of her quarters.

“Don’t worry,” Garrus murmurs.  “I thought you needed to do a little redecorating anyway.  Your sense of interior design is atrocious.”

Shepard just makes a soft humming noise that Garrus takes only as acknowledgement that she’s heard him.  She leans against him and sighs.

“Thank you for taking such good care of me,” Shepard says.

“I’ve got to make sure I merit a mention in the inevitable Shepard documentary vids somehow,” Garrus quips.  “This is the best way.”

She turns to look up at him.  “I mean it.  I know you must be worried about your new responsibilities and your family, but you still made sure to come check on me.”

“I love you,” Garrus says, still feeling the little thrill in his stomach when he says it.  “And, I actually have some good news.”

“What?” Shepard says eagerly.

“My family made it off Palaven.  I got the message when we got back from Thessia,” Garrus says.  “They’re fine.”

Shepard smiles and it reassures Garrus.  As long as she’s capable of smiling, they’ll be okay.  “Garrus!  That’s great news!”

“It was good to hear,” Garrus says. 

“Do you know where they are?  If they’re at the Citadel, we probably have some reason to dock there soon,” Shepard says, hugging him.  “I’ll find a reason.”

Garrus hugs her back, finally smiling in relief too.  “My dad will never forgive me if I interrupt our galaxy saving mission to see them.  I’ll see them after this war is over.”

“Are you sure?” Shepard asks.  She doesn’t actually say it, but he can hear the _because you might not make it to the end_. 

“Oh yeah,” Garrus says like it’s no big deal.  As long as she survives, what happens to him seems almost inconsequential.  “It’ll put my brother in total awe, me saving the galaxy.”

“I think you mean _us_ saving the galaxy, Garrus,” Shepard says, batting his shoulder softly.

“That’s right,” Garrus says. 

Shepard looks at him with an exasperated and affectionate expression.  One of the great things about humans is that they’re so easy to read, once you know what to look for. 

“I love you, too,” Shepard says.

“I know you don’t sleep well, but you need to try to get some sleep,” Garrus murmurs.  “You’re incredible, but you’re not invincible.”

Shepard sighs and goes to put her pajamas on.  He’s glad that he’s not going to have to dress her, too, because it makes her seem a little more alive than she was when they first got back. 

They curl up together in bed.  Human beds aren’t designed for turian bodies, but with enough pillows anything is possible. 

“Don’t forget that you’re not invincible either,” Shepard murmurs, face pressed between his shoulder blades and arm tight around his waist.  She often refers to him as her turian body pillow, which he takes as a compliment.

“I don’t need to be with you watching my front,” Garrus says. 

“I’m glad you’re in my life,” Shepard says sleepily.  “I don’t know if I could’ve got this far without you.”

“You could’ve,” Garrus says.  But he’s proud to make things at least a little easier for her.  “Just not as stylishly.”

Shepard snorts and pulls him even closer.  “I’m gonna sleep now.”

“I’ll be here when you wake up,” Garrus says.

“Good,” Shepard murmurs.  “You sleep, too.”

“Will do, Commander,” Garrus replies. 

There is nowhere in the galaxy sweeter than here, lying in Shepard’s arms and knowing that he’s helped this extraordinary woman in what little ways he can. 


End file.
